One of the most common topics I discuss with clients is how to know what God’s will is, both in the big picture and in the moment. There’s a lot of great wisdom from the Saints and Scriptures on this topic, but here are some things I have encountered that helped me.

First of all, we must rest in the peace of knowing that when God made us, He also prepared a path of repentance for us to live. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them” (Eph 2:10). We have free will, but God is present in all of time and knows who He made us to be and what we will choose, so we don’t have to fret about messing up the plans He has. We simply have to struggle as the Saints say and move forward. If we do not rest in the peace of God’s loving plans for us, we will encounter a lot of difficulties that all come from within. Our Saints tell us often that peace is a foundation of the spiritual life, a life given by the King of Peace. I am often working with clients specifically to lay foundation of peace in Christ, as many other spiritual tools we have don’t work without this foundation.

From here, we have the laws and guidelines of the Church, we have a Spiritual Father such as a priest to guide us, we have a parish and friends, we have the Scriptures and the wisdom of Saints. These tell us basics of how to live and how not to live. We also have a conscience which can convict us, and on top of that we have a lot of natural revelations such as scientific studies on how to take care of our bodies. The Scriptures makes it clear that such wisdom is part of how God guides us.

But this still doesn’t cover many situations we encounter. What about a spouse? What about a career? What about the possibility that we might get sick? What about the friend who’s hurting?

The Saints tell us that, because God has a loving plan for us and uses even our falls and the evil of others for good, we should not worry about the future or the past. If there is something we can do now to right the past, such as apologizing to someone or repaying them a debt we owe, that is good, but outside of that we should “leave the past to God’s mercy.” Likewise, the Scriptures warn us along with the Saints not to worry about the future, as only God’s providence can handle such things. One elder said that we should “look down at our own two feet.” We should live in the present and focus on what God has put immediately before us to take care of. I have noticed that when I am worried or stressed about what to do, if I pause and pray, I almost always know what good I could be doing in that moment. And really, all we ever need to know what to do is in the moment, because it is the only time God has called us to focus on. On the other hand, worrying about the future leads to pride (self-reliance), where our heart plays god and thus there is no room for God in our hearts when we have put ourselves on His throne. We must not live as if we can take care of what only God will take care of, or it will separate us from Him.

Ideally, no matter what happens, we must say to God “thank you, as this was necessary for salvation.” St Paisios says to say this in all things. St John Chrysostom teaches us to say “Glory to God in all things.” St Paul tells us “all things work together for the good of those who love Him” (Rom 8:28). Job models for us the prayer “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). We must pray in this way always so that our hearts begin to see that this truth truly governs all things.

Particularly, we must fight to thank God for the negative things. I don’t just mean the really awful difficulties we face in life, but the everyday difficulties. When someone attacks us, we must say “Lord, thank you for sending your servant so that I can see that I am not yet humble and loving, that I can see how much I need you.” St Nikolai Velimirovich tells us in his prayer Bless My Enemies that he sees enemies are actually just cruel friends that have done more for him than any friend did, because they pushed him to God whereas friends made him complacent. When we are afraid, or anxious, or depressed, we can pray similarly: “Lord, thank you for allowing this situation so I can see my weakness and be pushed to you. Have mercy on me and give me strength and healing.” As St Stophrony of Essex says: “Every emotion is an opportunity for a conversation with God.” We should clearly be thanking God every time we feel happy, too!

While we should try to bear all things in this way, suffering all things as sent by God as the Saints do, it is equally important to recognize that we are not Saints. Someone asked a priest once why, if we are supposed to bear suffering, we pray so often for peace, and the priest replied that if you truly see your weakness that’s the only thing you could possibly pray for. “Lord have mercy!”

One of my friends is a people pleaser who promises too much to others out of guilt. She asked Mother Melania, an abbess in southern California, about what to do and Mother Melania wisely said: “do what you feel comfortable doing, and then do a little more.” That keeps us from presuming too much of ourselves, but also makes sure we are outside of our comfort zone and taking up our Cross.

Mother Melania told another story. There was a parish that had a lesbian couple Inquiring into the faith. The two women loved the parish but eventually decided against conversion. Later, they had a wedding and invited the parish. The parish got together and deliberated on if they should go out of compassion (the couple would know they didn’t approve but were just being kind to them), or if they should say no out of conviction. The parish was split and half went and half didn’t. When the half who went came back, they admitted that it probably would have been best not to have gone. BUT… Mother Melania said this was not the point of her story. She made the point that what was most important was not which decision they made, but that they had put so much effort into seeking the will of God, doing the right thing, and then being honest if it was a mistake. Their preoccupation was with pleasing God. All our sins come from distance from God, so the only real solution is to care deeply about Christ and His feelings, to treat Him like our bridegroom. If we are seeking His will in every moment, we have nothing to fear. Elder Thaddeus says that the fear of God is the fear of wronging a friend who loves us.

If we need a spouse, the Saints say that if we seek God, He will do what is best for us. He will prepare someone for us. We like to feel these things are within our power but they are not. What is within our power is repentance, putting the heart back on God. If we need a career, God has one laid out for us. We must be careful not to listen to worldly advice, saying we must be aggressive in finding a spouse, or saying we must have a big career and 401k. Elder Thaddeus says only two things in life are worth living for: love God and love man. So if you are poor, but you loved God and loved man, you are a success. And if you had a big career but did not do these things, you are a failure of the worst kind. We must have God’s standard in how we live our life. We must surround ourselves with people who will hold us to God’s standard, to love of God and man, and not people who shame us for not living a worldly standard.

We often have many thoughts about the future, and they cause us stress, and we wonder “is this from God?” I don’t think God plays “Gotcha!” games with us. He doesn’t lay out hidden signs and then gets disappointed that we missed them. His goal is to turn us to Him, not to play games with us. St Feoful the Fool for Christ said that “all thoughts from God are peaceful and gentle, and lead a man towards humility and to judging Himself.” This gives us perfect boundaries, because some acquire an evil peace by justifying themselves, but others condemn themselves to the destruction of their peace. A good thought from God will challenge us to be humble, but will do so without stressing us out.

We worry about the Church too, about scandals and corruption. But we are told many times by Saints that God has His providence interwoven in all that happens, that even evil bishops and heretics are used by God to accomplish His work, seen and unseen. The Devil himself can do nothing without getting a blessing from God, as we see at the beginning of the book of Job. The Devil’s arrogance makes him blind to this, but St Paisios tells us that even though the Devil is at work doing evil, God is at work turning evil into good. We don’t have to worry about the Church, nor do we have to violate God’s laws on how to treat others (patiently, charitably, mercifully) in order to correct them. What the Church needs from us more than anything is our own repentance. This priority is how the Saints were born.

Simply put, when all the spiritual laws and counsels we have received have been considered, and we have done our due diligence in prayer, our job then is simply to do the best we can in any particular situation, and leave the rest to God, and to repent if our plans fail, and to thank Him if they turn out. Elder Thaddeus often quoted St Isaac the Syrian who said “do not trade your peace for anything in this world.” All these things happen for two reasons: to soften our heart before God and to draw us near to God. So if we allow terror instead of running to Him, that is the one path we know is guaranteed to make things worse. And if we took that path, let us simply depart from it and begin looking to the peace of Christ’s loving providence.